The one beautiful dash

Me & my "Vyki-Mom" in Chicago - July 2009

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came her date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

My wonderful friend, Vyki left us on Tuesday and is now finally cancer-free. Her "dash" was amazing. An incredible example to me. I've had this terrible heaviness in my belly the last several days. It does make it easier to know she is still here for me. And I have a new reason in my life to live right. So I can be able to be with her again.

I'm sure I'll be able to write more about Vyki another day. About all the things she has taught me. About how she always made me feel so important. About how I have never met a more remarkable person and I am so blessed to have been able to know her for the short time I did. Today, though, it hurts and all I can say is I miss her.

I am so thankful to her family, especially Amanda & Ben, for sharing "Mom" with me.

"I've heard that in the next life if we were faithful to the end that we will have a mansion waiting for us. I also believe that we have been building our mansions here on earth. Each kind word or deed has added a brick. By now Vickie has one of the largest mansions in heaven, but that is good, because she will want room for all of us to be with her." -perfectly said by Lori, her sister.

I love you, Vyki

The one the still smells bad

This is what it looks like when you wake up at 2:30 AM and realize there are still chocolate chip cookies in the oven:


Ugh. I've had the windows open, the scentsy candle warmers & all ceiling fans going for the last two days. I've been deep cleaning everything. Still can't get rid of the burned cookie smell in my house. It's making me n.a.u.s.e.a.t.e.d.

BLEH.

I need to get out of here. . .

The one with a smile

When Halle was 3 she had a dance competition. She was SO excited for the performance and kept telling me about a "secret surprise" she was going to give me at it. I played along, not thinking too much about it.

After her dance, she excitedly ran up to me:

"Mommy! Mommy!

Did you see it!

Did you like your surprise?!?"

"Ummmm....I dunno, what was it?"

"I SMILED!" she said, proudly as can be.

I was reminiscing about that last night as we watched her perform in another dance concert. What a funny, sweet, sweetie pie. It's been four years of dance lessons now. I never ever get tired of watching her perform. Anyways, here's some of the pics from the concert. Sorry there's so many. I had a hard time narrowing them down.

The one about the AW

"Daaaad! I am so cold!
Could you please turn on the AW?"

"The AW?? What's the A.W?"

"You know, the AW."

"What does the AW mean?"

"You know, like the AC is Air Cold . . .
the AW is Air Warm . . ."

Priceless.
For another fave Halle quote, go HERE.

The one where Halle graduated

Halle graduated from kindergarten today!

We are so excited for summer break! But we will miss Mrs. Dewey. She did a fabulous job as Halle's kindergarten teacher.

I am so proud of my Halle. She is such a kind, smart, fun & beautiful girl. I am such a lucky mom.

She's getting too grown up. I still don't think a kindergartener is supposed to be so beautiful. . .

Prejudiced? Absolutely.

The one to me

As we drove home from Idaho today, I got a good chuckle out of listening to Drew in the backseat, intently singing Brad Paisley's song called "She's Everything":

"She's everything I ever wanted,

everything I neeeeeeeed -

Talk about her I go on and on and onnnnnn

cuz she's everything to meeeeeeeeee . . . "

"That's a lot of feeling for such a little guy," I thought to myself.

"Hey, Drewbie! I like your song. Are ya singing about Jaynee?" (his little girly-friend) I teased.

"No, Mommy.

I'm singin' 'bout you."

Now there's a "Happy Mothers Day" - to me. :)

The one about Dawson's Birth

I am in Coer d'Alane Idaho right now. It's a long story that I don't even feel like getting into right now, so that'll have to be another post, another day.

I am exhausted, but not sleepy. I think I'll write about Dawson's birth instead, before it's been so long that I forget the details:

--------------------

I went to the doctor's on March 12 for my 38 week appointment. I was tired and exhausted and miserable. Each day I had been only trying to survive pregnancy symptoms. My hips and back felt disconnected and agonizing, my belly button felt like it had ripped, heartburn was U.N.B.E.L.I.E.V.A.B.L.E, and my heart would just POUND POUND POUND constantly.. .. ugh. Thank goodness those days are over now.

So the nurses checked all the usuals, and as usual, my blood pressure was high. In my checkup, Dr. Ollerton decided I needed to head over to the hospital and be monitored. Halle & Drew were at Ora's house, so real quick I ran their packed bags over- just in case I'd stay at the hospital- and drove back to check in.

They hooked me up and sure enough, my blood pressure was pretty bad. What was worse was the baby's heart rate kept dropping. Still I sat there, expecting to be sent home to endure another few weeks of pregnancy. When the nurse came in and said, "We are keeping you. Let's get you to another room and have a baby" I was totally shocked. All the sudden I felt like I wasn't ready, and scared for labor, and wanted Kevin there RIGHT NOW, and all sorts of crazy emotions. I started crying and felt really embarrassed. Haha. I'm such a mess when I'm pregnant.

Kev rushed to the hospital as I got situated in the Delivery Room. He came in and was SOO excited and happy. He just couldn't stop from smiling. He brightened me all up and made me feel like everything would be ok.

I remember looking at the little baby bed they would be placing our baby in, and feeling like it was sooo unreal- that he would NEVER-EVER really be here.

They gave me some pitocin and I felt a lot of contractions, but nothing too painful. I was relaxed and felt pretty happy. After a while the anasthesiologist came to give me the epidural. Pretty soon I stopped feeling the contractions and Kev and I got to hang out for a while. It was nice, since we don't have lots of time to really chat or relax together. We (finally) decided on the name Dawson Riley and that got us both even more excited. Everything felt like Christmas. Amazingly, my blood pressure went down to almost normal so I ended up not having to be on Magnesium Sulfate like I'd had with Halle. What a blessing!

We turned on a movie, so of course I fell asleep (haha- if you don't know me that well, I ALWAYS fall asleep in movies). After an hour or two, I started to feel like our baby was close. I asked the nurse to check me and sure enough I'd dilated from a 3 to a full 10 in only a few minutes.

Dr. Ollerton came in with a few extra nurses. Everyone was joking around and cheerful. As I started to push, I remember thinking that the doctor and Kev were acting like they were watching a football game. For example, when they saw his head come down a little further they were cheering, "Hey Man! Did you see that? That was awesome" and stuff like that.

Everything was so unlike what you'd picture labor to be: everyone relaxed and smiling, telling jokes & laughing. I asked a nurse if she'd take some video footage for me (up by my head of course) and felt really pretty amazing considering I was at the end of labor.

Kev told me that the baby had blonde hair and I remember getting so excited. Then I pushed a couple times and all of the sudden and just like that. . . he was here. It was 1:14 AM. So unreal. They placed him on my chest and I swear there isn't any feeling in the world like that. Their teeny amount of weight right above your beating heart, and something inside is filled to the max. I don't know how else to say it.

I counted his fingers and toes and admired his sweet messy & wet, long blonde hair. They weighed him, and when they announced he was 7-11 we called him "our little slurpy." The nurses were in no rush, & when I was ready I let them take him so we could both get cleaned up and comfortable.

At 4 AM they brought him back to me. Kev fell asleep on the pullout bed while I took little Dawson in my arms. For the next FOUR HOURS he was wide awake and looked at me. His dark blue eyes staring right at me, I felt all those motherly feelings grow and grow inside of me and I fell in total LOVE with my son. His tiny fingers opened and closed, opened and closed, . . identical to what he had done when we watched him in the ultra sounds 20 weeks earlier. It was completely silent, peaceful & heavenly in the room with a beautiful view of the temple outside the window. I wish I could think of a word to describe what I felt in those four hours. I will never ever forget it.

A little after 8 AM, I woke up my Kevin and we started calling family members. The rest of the time at the hospital -and I guess ever since then- has been mostly hectic and rushed, so I am so grateful for that time I got to bond with my son. I think of it as a gift from my Heavenly Father.

Halle & Drew came and met Dawson, along with lots of visitors. We brought him home the next day. I'd like to blog about the crazy-yet-wonderful, stressfull-nut-blessed time we've been having since, but I'll have to another time. I have another big day tomorrow and so sleep would be good. I'll take this tiny little hunk o' burnin' love (who has been sleeping on my lap this whole time) and get to bed.

G'night ya'll!